The most beautiful quality to be found in a human being is the ability to listen deeply...
'Lets call the listener the 'receiver 'and the talker the 'giver'
If the giver will feel understood, validated and heard then the nervous system will shift in the giver which in turn makes for a truly beautiful experience for both parties.
To listen without trying to fix someone, or change them, or save them.
The ability to allow another person to be exactly as they are one needs to apply the following.
Not giving unsolicited advice.
Not lecturing them about the latest psychological research or the most true spiritual teaching.
Not trying to mould them, manipulate them into matching a concept of who they think they should be.
Not projecting your own trauma or traumatic answers all over them.
And to remember that listening is not about you in these moments.
Just listening, listening with an open mind and an open heart and a receptive nervous system. Allowing the other person to breathe, to express, to weep, to question, to be completely unique, to expand into the space so the talker can discover their own truth.
There are world experts in intimacy, experts in relationships and honest communication and even these wonderful people are unable to listen with their heart.
There are spiritual gurus and so-called enlightened masters, expert psychologists and life coaches who are unable to listen empathetically without feeling the need to reply even when there are no questions asked.
During my mindfulness training we studied compassionate listening for two days. We were taught to understand how the nervous system rejoices when it feels heard.
In order for the ‘talker’ to feel heard and lighter all it takes is for the listener not to make the conversation about them at any point.
We were taught that if we felt there was an appropriate space we could interject and ask permission by saying
“Let me check I am hearing and understanding you correctly” Assuming the talker agrees then you as the listener will sum up what you have heard by repeating it back and then asking if your understanding was correct.
Assuming you have made sure the talker feels understood you can say ‘tell me more if you wish to’. In actual fact the talker is known as the sender and the listener the receiver.
The 3 main components for successful communication:
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